Federal Numbers Will Explain Why All American Money Is Gone

Every day here at ComedyandPoltics we write this sentence fragment at least once: "no one has any money anymore, so..." hoping that if we repeat it enough the problem will magically fix itself. This is the same reason Charlie Christ tells everyone he's not gay and married a woman. So, here we go.

No one has any money anymore, and although we all sort of know why (sub-prime bonanza!), maybe some numbers and pitchers will help us all understand what's happening. We saw these on this surprisingly good HuffPo article, and thought, "let's steal those."

This graph shows "nonfarm" (hi Iowa!) employment falling off a cliff:



And here is proof that all of you jobless cheapos aren't buying enough flags and BBQ sauce to stimulate our poor economy:



You're not buying, so factories aren't producing:



Combine these graphs with the fact that the first $350 billion that congress allocated for Hank Paulson to swim in is already almost completely gone, and that the federal interest rate is lower than ever before, and things look pretty bleak.

The good news? The cost of living in Salt Lake City is plummeting! Seriously guys, let's go! It'll be like SLC Punk. We can just go and chill out and then return to civilized (non-Mormon) society when this all blows over, which will never happen.