Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Maureen Dowd Upset Obama Didn't Bomb Europe

Maureen Dowd is paid by the paper of record to call Barack Obama gay at least 4 times a column, twice a week. Sometimes she gets other people to call him a gay loser for her, like today, where she writes,

"A USA Today/Gallup poll found that his trip 'has not broadened confidence in his ability to be commander of the U.S. military,' according to the paper, and 'suggested Obama’s trip may have helped energize voters who favor McCain.'"

See? Obama went to Europe and didn't even drop one lousy bomb, so now it's important to tell Americans that he's a wuss who will lose to STRONGMAN John McCain who will bomb everything he visits. Maureen Dowd has absolutely nothing interesting or insightful to say, so she says things like this.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Sign #13,349 That Things In America Aren't Going Well

From the New York Times comes one of the grimmest assessments of our economic situation.

Philadelphia Streets Unsafe For Manhole Covers.
"In the past year thieves have stolen hundreds of covers and grates, which are increasingly valuable as scrap."

Yes, folks, we are one step closer to the hellish future of making ends meet by foraging scrap metal. I hope Thomas Friedman sees this as an example of American ingenuity and perseverance, and then I hope Paul Krugman throws a pie in his face.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Bill O'Reilly is Surrounded By Nazis and Klansmen

Every time you turn around, Yellingman Bill O'Reilly is calling someone a Nazi. It is a smart and hilarious thing to do. He most recently claimed that Al Gore attending the Netroots Nation (formerly YearlyKos) conference was, "the same as if he stepped into the Klan gathering. It's the same. No difference." (via Thinkprogress)

Here's another good one, prompted by some anonymous comments left on Huffpo. (via Crooks and Liars)

O’Reilly: I have no respect for the woman. I think that she is hurting the country…

O’Reilly: What’s the difference between the KKK and Arianna Huffington? What’s the difference?

Ham: I think there is a difference,.

O’Reilly: I don’t see any difference between Huffington and the Nazis. It’s her, It’s her, It’s her…I didn’t say she’s a Nazi.

Ham: Alright.

O’Reilly: There’s no difference between what the two do.

We're not done yet. He also referred to Daily Kos in a similar fashion on the Factor.

Because this is hate of the worst order. It's like the Ku Klux Klan. It's
like the Nazi party. There's no difference here.
(via Media Matters)

O'Reilly see Nazis and Klansmen everywhere because he's very smart.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

2nd Czechoslovakia Error

For the 2nd time in as many days, presidential candidate and current affairs guru John McCain has referenced “Czechoslovakia” in a contemporary context. That country hasn’t existed by that name for 15 years. Here are some of our predictions for how this historical place will keep popping up in his everyday speech.

“I am aware of Czechoslovakia.”

“I can’t wait to be President of Czechoslovakia.”

“The Sunnis are in Czechoslovakia. The Shiites are in Persia. Where is the Internet?”

“My favorite thing about Czechoslovakia is that it exists and I want to bomb it.”

“Time Machine?! Time Machine?! I just want to go to Czechoslovakia!”

“I am 18 years younger than Czechoslovakia. Who knew?”

Czechoslovakia is a cunt

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Minnesota is the Greatest Place Ever

Jesse Ventura is back in the game, this time running for the U.S. Senate in my beloved Minnesota. He will win once he throws Al Franken and local monster Norm Coleman off a crumbling bridge into the Mississippi, in what will be called "The Hot Dish Scuffle."