Alan Colmes Can't Cry Anymore

Alan Colmes has decided to leave Hannity and Colmes after 12 years with the show, some idiots are reporting. Colmes made a name for himself by subjecting himself to literally thousands of hours of brutal, unrelenting torture at the hands of Hannity. I doubt Ailes kept a straight face while giving the following statement:

FOX News Chairman & Chief Executive Officer Roger Ailes added, “Alan is one of the key reasons why FOX News has been such a remarkable success. We’re sad to see him leave the program but we look forward to his ongoing contributions to the network.”

Apparently Colmes radio show is actually halfway decent, but on Fox he looked like the most pathetic, masochistic man alive. He always looked like he was going to faint from hunger. And he also looked like he was bottling his rage up deep inside, only to come in one day with a bomb strapped to his chest.

"COLMES ISN'T EATING YOUR SHIT AND CALLING IT ICE CREAM ANY MORE!"

There are too many clips to narrow down in any intelligent way, so here are a few arbitrarty ones.

Here's Dick Morris acting like the biggest jerk in the world, and Colmes smiling politely. Go to about 2:30 for the blood.


Here's Tito the Builder saying he wants Colmes to pee himself. Everyone's going to laugh at you Alan. Go to about 3 minutes in.