Friday, August 14, 2009

All Politics Are Local, About Food

It's been getting a little heavy around here lately, so I figured I had to pass this story along as a Friday afternoon pick-me-up. It was originally posted on Wonkette, and I don't have all that much to add, but it is simply too perfect not to post.

The New York Daily News is reporting today that Congress-person Anthony Weiner (ha!) bravely ventured into a lair of hungry old people to explain the intricacies of health care reform, which is the final level before you can advance to becoming a Wizard Senator. When Weiner (ha!) showed up at the death squad screening center, the Daily News reports,

"What he found was about 60 senior citizens fed up with the confusion surrounding the details of the President's plan to provide affordable health care for all Americans - and eager to eat lunch.

"I came to eat and I came to eat on time," said David Figman, an 84-year-old retired postal worker. "They are having chicken marsala today and the food is good.""[emphasis mine.]

Hahahahahaha, oh man that is funny. It's too bad that the reporter didn't write any more sentences about how hungry all these weird old people are OH WAIT YES HE DID!

"As the meeting went on, many of the seniors began grumbling that Weiner was interrupting their lunch."

YES! This is in a newspaper! It's so funny! Too bad all the jokes about hungry hungry old people are over OH WAIT ONE MINUTE NO THEY'RE NOT!

""I'm just hungry," said 76-year-old Albert Fink. "This is a lot of silliness."

Linda Lefton, 61, stared at the clock.

"Usually our lunch starts at noon," she said. "I think he is going to cause us to delay our lunch. That's no good."

Finally, an announcement was made at 12:22 p.m.:
"Seniors are very hungry and some are diabetic. All media needs to clear out of the room so we can feed them on time.""

I know it's not funny, but for some reason "and some are diabetic," has been making me laugh for the last 5 minutes.

Oh, and also, a lot of the elderlies yelled at Weiner (ha!) about how he's a communist and a socialist and probably gay too or whatever.

"Before lunch was served, Weiner took about a dozen questions from the group, including a heated claim that the plan was "Communist."

"Are we going to have a say in this or are we becoming a Communist country?" demanded a 61-year-old man named Bill.
One elderly man yelled out, "It's a Socialist country!" Others clapped."

Hahahaha, these hungry old people just wanted their free lunch like honest American capitalists. They don't understand irony, because it was invented sometime after 9/11 right around the time humor died and Communism made a comeback.

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