Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Liberal NPR Wants Guns To Be Bigger, More Powerful, Closer To President

NPR is the famous radio organization that helps old people fall asleep at night and also refuses to call torture torture. They are often called "liberal" because they speak in complete sentences and sometimes play good music. But wait! The most important thing in the world, if you're a media organization, is to prove to everybody that YOU ARE NOT IN FACT LIBERAL AT ALL.

We have that constructive mindset to thank for this wonderful little headline, published on their website today by Frank James.

"Obama Town-Hall Gun Toters May Have An Upside"

Hahahahaha, that's a pretty funny joke. Wait, I'm reading the article right now....oh no.... After describing the half dozen or so armed lunatics at Obama's recent appearances, and how most people find this phenomenon disturbing, James writes:

"But there's another way to look at these gun-toters outside presidential events. They are indeed protected by the Second Amendment and state laws that allow them to carry their weapons.

So there's no constitutional way to ban those who would cling to their guns outside Obama's town halls.

Since metal detectors are used to scan people who actually enter the halls where the president will be, chances are slim that someone could get a gun or knife into a presidential event undetected."

James is quoting the first line of the Constitution, which reads, "If a black man becomes president you have the right to always carry an assault rifle." So, he's got a point there. Certainly, there's never been any responsible legislation introduced to try to reel in the insane guns laws in this country. The article continues:

"By openly carrying their weapons, the gun toters are at least easily identifiable to law enforcement, including Secret Service sharp shooters who, for all we know, are watching them intently through the cross hairs of their scopes."

One thing that is crystal clear from this passage is that James likes to masturbate to Tom Clancy novels, which he's probably quite good at, unlike writing.

The logic, hahahaha, no, um, what's the word...thinking, maybe? The thinking goes: all people who are crazy enough to bring a gun to a presidential event will be sane enough not to conceal it, and then we'll know where all the crazies are.

Certainly it's not a problem that all these people can get their hands on hand guns and assault rifles at the drop of a hat. Why should that concern anybody? And you know what, they're just acting this way to exercise their rights. It's not about intimidation, about creating an atmosphere of fear and danger in which the slightest provocation could set off a deadly string of events. They and their killing machines are peaceful, after all.

James closes with a call to action and sanity!

"So there's an upside to the "open carry" types, even though they cause a lot of other people great unease. Since they can't be prevented from appearing outside the events, the rest of us will just have to learn to live with them."

Haha just kidding, he doesn't. But that sad fatalism is reminiscent of many liberals--resigned to what we must live with, though we know the world could be better--so maybe NPR isn't so bad after all.

1 comment:

The Leez said...

Hahahaha. Your onomatopoeic laugh is contagious.