Scholastic Has Had Just About Enough Of These Offensive "Same Sex" Couples

There's nothing more important in today's America than indoctrinating our nation's children with the steadfast belief that sex is wrong and shameful--especially when that shamey sex is between two monogamous, consenting adults of the same shameful gender. Luckily for Americans, Scholastic, which is the largest publisher of children's books, feels the same way.

Laura Myracle, whose chosen pen name actually makes me want to shove a pencil in my eye, recently wrote a book called "Luv Ya Bunches." It tells the story of 4 girls and probably the shit they all go through or whatever. I haven't read it, I swear. Sounds like it's just a nice lil kids book, right? No, wrong, think again.

Here's where, as they say in the biz, the plot thickens. See, this Myracle (ugh) lady gave one of these little girls in her book two moms. Yeah, you read that right. Two. Moms. I've heard of artistic license, but gimme a break, lady. Save it for your diary. Scholastic blushed and then got a funny feeling in its pants, and then decided all this business was not very proper at all! ThinkProgress reports:

"The company sent a letter to Myracle’s editor asking the author to omit certain words such as “geez,” “crap,” “sucks,” and “God” (as in, “oh my God”) and to alter its plotline to include a heterosexual couple. Myracle agreed to get rid of the offensive language “with the goal—as always—of making the book as available to as many readers as possible,” but the deal breaker was changing Milla’s two moms.

“A child having same-sex parents is not offensive, in my mind, and shouldn’t be ‘cleaned up.’” says Myracle, adding that the book fair subsequently decided not to take on Luv Ya Bunches because they wanted to avoid letters of complaint from parents."[emphasis in original.]

That's right, writer-lady. Look, if you want to be invited to the Scholastic Book Fair, why don't you try writing a book that teaches kids valuable lessons, like this. It's called Video Game Master, and the description is pretty impressive.

"The hottest trend in gaming is Gamerscores‚ a Web site for posting your best scores. But there’s a catch: points must be earned without using cheats or secret codes. This book shows you how to unlock special features in multiple platforms for today’s most popular games."

Cool dude! Kids need to learn at a young age how to sit in front of the TV and consume junk food. Where will they learn this if not at a book fair?

But for all you pervs who want to read your lezzie erotica, there is good news for you. ThinkProgress again:

"Change.org reports that after thousands of people contacted Scholastic to complain, the publisher has decided to offer the book in its spring book fairs."

Be on the lookout for a massive book burning this spring, lead by morons, because of ignorance.