Dangerous Criminal Dangerously Adorable

The graphics department in this newsroom deserves a Peabody. [hat tip Lee Camp via Huffpo]

Prez to Deal With Economy Same Way We Do, With Drink

Obama is famous for his cigarette smoking habits, and really, what goes better with the coughy-coughy than some bathtub gin. Our Prez is having a big fisting party (see below) at his Playboy Mansion, but you Hoovervillians aren't invited. From the NY Times [emphasis added]:

"Invitations are out: A presidential cocktail reception – for Congressional leaders only – is taking place on Wednesday evening at the White House."

WTF! Why can't this blog come! Not change-y enough for us, thank you very much. Oh whatever, we'll just go get high with Barney Frank.

Here is an informational video about the Obama's lovemaking technique.

Now You Know

Saddlebacking, defined.

CNBC Gets Mouthy

When this guy talks about the economy, he swears like we swear.

Atheismists are Positively Correct About Doubt

This one is also via Sullivan, from a reader of his. Nice little meditation about what atheists actually believe and stand for.

"The essential difference between atheism and a strong theism such as Christianity is that one makes specific, positive claims about the material universe that are untestable and for which there is no good evidence, and the other does not. It's quite true that a hypothetical atheist who was absolutely certain that "there's nothing out there" would be holding an indefensible position; but in practice, virtually no atheist--not even Dawkins or PZ Myers--feels that way
...
Remember: atheism as it is normally found in the real world says, "There is no evidence to support (for example) the Christian God, so until such evidence is presented, I maintain no belief in such a god and live under the assumption that he is not there." "

Mike Drucker and I are doing our (D)evangelical show at the PIT this Friday at 7pm. Come by. We'll also be going down to Atlanta, and hopefully DC for related shows in April.

Forces of Retardation of Humanity Still Trying to Retard Humanity

Found this, via Sullivan. It's an excerpt from what one might generously call an "article" Kathryn Jean Lopez "wrote" for something called NCRegister.com She gives us all a desperately needed reminder of what an idiot she is, with the following [emphasis added]:

Rick Warren reminded us why all eyes were on the Capitol steps that Tuesday afternoon: “in His name.”

We’re a nation not just where you are free to believe or not to believe; we’re a nation founded for Him — so we could praise Him, so we could do His will. Warren began his prayer as a gentle reminder to those privileged with seats and every Joe sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial:

“Almighty God — our Father. Everything we see, and everything we can’t see, exists because of you alone. It all comes from you. It all belongs to you. It all exists for your glory.”

After a morning of “Obama!” chants, I would have loved to hear some of the crowd — or the president-to-be — join Warren in praying the Lord’s Prayer.

Big Yellow Turd

Folks, we have some sad news to report. Most of you who read this blog already know that our beloved Sound Fix Lounge will be closing down at the end of February. The Comic's Comic is reporting this news now, so we figure we can go public with it as well. Comedy Free Williamsburg will run at Sound Fix through the end of February, at which point the show will move to another location in Williamsburg, still to be completely finalized. It will probably be renamed The Bump, for those who remember the old times.

We'd just like to say how great everyone there has been, especially Tammy. In the next few days we'll write up a collection of memories from the past year there. Until then, we were thinking of posting the Cheers song, or Joni Mitchell's "Big Yellow Taxi" (paved paradise, and put up a parking lot...), but nothing sums up the way we're feeling here at ComedyandPolitics quite like the video below.

Krugman Sick of the Haters, Mad That He Got Floor Seats at the Lakers

Mild-mannered New York Times columnist Paul Krugman will, on occasion, rip his dress shirt in two and transform into a hulking Keynesian monster. This is one of those times.

He has had it up to here with all the stupid anti-stimulus talk he's been hearing lately. His rhetoric in today's Op-Ed is about as close as you can get in the Times to saying, "Seriously, ass-clowns, shut the fizz-uck up and let Dr. K-man operate."

He describes much of the anti-stimulus talk as "bogus," "fraudulent" "cheap shots." Those who espouse it are "dishonest flacks." And this next section really needs to be quoted in full:

"It’s true that the normal response to recessions is interest-rate cuts from the Fed, not government spending. And that might be the best option right now, if it were available. But it isn’t, because we’re in a situation not seen since the 1930s: the interest rates the Fed controls are already effectively at zero.

That’s why we’re talking about large-scale fiscal stimulus: it’s what’s left in the policy arsenal now that the Fed has shot its bolt. Anyone who cites old arguments against fiscal stimulus without mentioning that either doesn’t know much about the subject — and therefore has no business weighing in on the debate — or is being deliberately obtuse."

We say good for him. Bring the tough rhetoric. We're looking forward to next weeks column, tentatively titled, "Ah Nah, Now Y'all Done Got Me Pissed."

Journalism at its Finest

Every once in a while the mainstream media really rises to the challenge and presents a story that changes the social and political landscape. Dana Priest's investigation of CIA black sites and Charlie Savage's report on Bush's hundreds of signing statements both come to mind as some of the finest examples of contemporary journalism.

Today, Sarah Lyall of the New York Times joins those two in the upper echelons of the media elite, with a piece entitled "No Snickering: That Road Sign Might Mean Something Else," which is accompanied by this photograph:


One struggles to overstate the importance and hilarity of this article. For instance, we learn that for those who live on Butt Hole Road, life is anything but clean and regular:

“If they ordered a pizza, the pizza company wouldn’t deliver it, because they thought it was a made-up name,” Mr. Hurst said. “People would stand in front of the sign, pull down their trousers and take pictures of each other’s naked buttocks.”

As further proof of the existence of comically-named townships, the Times provides this delightfully labeled map:

And just to round it out, there's a place that doesn't appear on the map called Slutshole Lane, in Norfolk. Now you know.

Last month we awarded our first ever "Excellence in Journalism" award to the WSJ for an article exposing the hidden underbelly of Chuck E. Cheeses nationwide. We are proud to say our new champion of reporting is "Butt Hole Road." We did it, guys. We really did it.

Comedy Free Williamsburg Promo #2

Because no gesture is too late or too futile, here's the latest promo for CFW. It features our good friends Murderfist, Jon Savoy, and our terrific announcer Mo Diggs.

Existential Clarity Through Jackets and Such

If there's one thing this blog knows for sure it's that society is comprised of lonely, isolated, atomized persons, all desperately searching for some sort of distraction from the ultimate cosmic truth/cliche which states: everything that begins must end. As Bob Dylan so accurately sang:

"We sit here stranded/
but we all do our best to deny it..."

Truly, each person is alone, creating his or her own universe every moment of every day. That's what we thought, at least, UNTIL WE SAW THIS!



That dude is dressed exactly like me! (Have to drop the editorial "we" for this part of the post; it would be too weird otherwise) No way is that a coincidence. There is some sort of higher power at work, here. Seriously, look at that guy! Now, look at me! Do it! Look at me!



It's like he's wearing a "John Knefel" costume for christssake! Turns out we are not ultimately alone, God exists, and love is real. Our apologies for the confusion.

We will leave you with a quote from an episode of The Simpsons in which Homer finds himself in the exact same position that this blog is in.

"Oh my God, this guy is my identical twin...(gasp) THAT DOG HAS A PUFFY TAIL! C'mere puff ball!"

Internet Radio

For anyone interested, we'll be on David Angelo's radio show tonight. All the necessary info is here. Please listen, spread around, etc.

You can listen to the show live from the website. It starts at 8pm EST, and if you want to call in (YOU SHOULD!), call (251)-300-JOKE.

Nir Rosen on "Terrorism"

Now that Israel's heroic massacre of Gaza is over, the article that we present below is totally out-dated and irrelevant, but we'll pass it along anyway, on the off chance that at some point in the future a native population fights back against their oppressor.

Nir Rosen, writing in the Guardian, argues that "the term 'terrorism' has proved a rhetorical smokescreen under cover of which the strong crush the weak." His analysis is more precise and eloquent than this blog is capable of producing, so we quote him at length, and highly recommend reading the whole piece.

"Terrorism is a normative term and not a descriptive concept. An empty word that means everything and nothing, it is used to describe what the Other does, not what we do. The powerful – whether Israel, America, Russia or China – will always describe their victims' struggle as terrorism, but the destruction of Chechnya, the ethnic cleansing of Palestine, the slow slaughter of the remaining Palestinians, the American occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan – with the tens of thousands of civilians it has killed … these will never earn the title of terrorism, though civilians were the target and terrorising them was the purpose.

Counterinsurgency, now popular again among in the Pentagon, is another way of saying the suppression of national liberation struggles.
...
Just as the traditional American cowboy film presented white Americans under siege, with Indians as the aggressors, which was the opposite of reality, so, too, have Palestinians become the aggressors and not the victims. Beginning in 1948, 750,000 Palestinians were deliberately cleansed and expelled from their homes, and hundreds of their villages were destroyed, and their land was settled by colonists, who went on to deny their very existence and wage a 60-year war against the remaining natives and the national liberation movements the Palestinians established around the world. Every day, more of Palestine is stolen, more Palestinians are killed. To call oneself an Israeli Zionist is to engage in the dispossession of entire people."

Microsoft SongSmith Now One More Reason to Ease Into Warm Bath of Madness

If anyone out there is on the brink of sanity, for whatever reason, and thinks that a small shove might send you into the gaping maw of unrelenting lunacy, we've got a finger to poke in your chest.

As far as we know this is real. We dare you to try to listen to the whole thing and not once contemplate the profound emptiness of modern life. You won't be able to do it, and you will understand loneliness, again, for the first time. [h/t sara k]

Diane Sawyer Enjoys Open Bars

Here is a video of her, clearly drunk, on the television. Please watch it.

Teflon Obama

Yesterday's swearing in of Pop sensation Barack Obama as our 44th Student Body President presented quite a few security problems for Government officials. One (awesome) security measure that this blog didn't even know about is something called "bullet-resistant clothing." This armor is somewhat less protective that a bulletproof vest, but somewhat more protective than a winning smile and positive disposition. More information, you ask? Of course [via Slate]:

"It's unclear what brand of body armor Obama sported at the inauguration, but several companies produce discreet, thinner vests that can be worn underneath clothing, inserted into an outer layer (like a coat) or woven into a shirt. Miguel Caballero, a Colombian company, makes bullet-resistant leather jackets, polo shirts, Windbreakers, and ruffled tuxedo shirts, which range from a few hundred dollars to $7,000 in price."

Wait wait wait. "Ruffled tuxedo shirts?" Yes. Yes, this blog would like a closet full of those, thanks. Combine those with our winning smile and positive disposition and we'll be untouchable, just like Mr. 44 himself.

Stress Already Getting to Obama

Life as we know it is over because the King of Pop, Barack Obama, is back to the nose candy, CNN is reporting. Since you all have nothing to live for now, here's a video that will cheer you up. It's by The Mountain Goats, and the SnowMan (Barack Obama) probably just should've sung this song three times for his inaugural speech, because it makes everything better (trust us). It's called This Year, and it will help Obama get through the rough patches better than doing keys in bathrooms will.

Obama and Gaza

Here's an exerpt from a wonderful article in The Nation, concerning the steps that the author believes need to be taken for a viable Two-State solution to work:

"Everyone knows what those steps must be, and it would be useful if Obama were to state them explicitly at the start. (No one will be shocked.) They are: the partition of Jerusalem, the dismantling of West Bank settlements (including, potentially, the resettling of 300,000 Jews), a land swap to rearrange slightly the contours of the West Bank for a Palestinian state, a multi-billion dollar package to provide for the refugees' right-of-return compensation, and the removal of the checkpoints, barriers, and blockades that have turned Gaza into a concentration camp and the destroyed the economy and the quality of life in the West Bank."

The Great Equalizer

He's bad, but he'll die. So I like it.
-- Art critic, on Marge's portrait of Mr. Burns, ``Brush with Greatness''

The above quote is taken from a Simpsons episode in which Marge paints Mr. Burns in the nude, thereby showing his frailty and, ultimately, his humanity. Below is C-SPAN video of Cheney in his wheelchair today.

Kennedy and Byrd Go Down

Politico is reporting that Ted Kennedy, who recently had brain cancer, and Robert Byrd, who is 120 years old, had medical problems at the lunch held immediately after Barack Obama became the King of Pop.

Kennedy, who was there at the Voting Rights Act, was presumably desperately hoping that he would be healthy enough to see the inauguration today. In May of last year, Byrd, who began his career as a member of the KKK, but later on recanted on his earlier beliefs, gave a tearful speech when Kennedy was undergoing surgery for his cancer.



Here's hoping they both make full recoveries and each live another 100 years, at which point they will both be 300 years old.