Reading the News is Hilarious Now

This ABCNews article is a goldmine! So much hatred between Old Man Time and the Winking Fool. The totally hated each other, and still do, and probably will forever. Remember Reagan's 11th commandment, "thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republicans"? McCain and Palin and everyone who works for them is breaking that law and now they're going to hell. Here's some of the gems.

Some stupid aide attempting to brush all this controversy aside said this,

The adviser said McCain and Palin talked at least once a day. He also said McCain frequently joked about how large Palin's crowds were compared to his.

You know when McCain made those "jokes," in his brain he was saying, "say crowds, not boobs, say crowds, not boobs, say crowds, not boobs."

Then there's this quote, which really captures Palin in all her awful, viscious glory. An aide describes how they each left McCain's concession speech,

McCain drove himself home in a Toyota sport utility vehicle. Palin's departure was a grander event. She left with an entourage of 18 family members and friends and a Secret Service detail, heading to the airport in a motorcade stretching more than a dozen vehicles, flanked by a dozen more cops on motorcycles.

God she is awful. There is only one person in the world left defending her, some no name "longtime staffer" named Meg Stapleton. Meg is the only person alive worse than Sarah Palin. She goes by "Meg" too, which means she winks all the goddamn time. This is what she said about Palin's big shopping spree, and how it wasn't her fault,

Palin even saw a price tag of $3,500 on one suit jacket and said she didn't want to wear it, Stapleton said -- but she was told to wear it anyway.

Ha! She would obviously make a good president, by Meg's logic, because she is easily manipulated into doing things she doesn't want to do. Way to go Meg! (wink)

And lastly, here is Palin in her own words, finally saying something halfway intelligent,

"I don't think anybody should give Sarah Palin that much credit..."

Remember...her words. She's speaking in the 3rd person. She went on to say, "Sarah Palin is just gonna work hard in the off season, believe in God, and come back ready to do what Sarah Palin has to do to get some points on the board."

At Least He Has Good Taste In Movies

Apparently all that threatening to kill Bill Clinton's enemies Rahm is so famous for now was a pretty good cultural reference. (via Sullivan)

Chuck Norris Endorsed Prop 8

Yep, he's a dipshit.

Newsweek Has the Inside Scoop

Here's a funny thing Mr. President said before he became King.

The debates unnerved both candidates. When he was preparing for them during the Democratic primaries, Obama was recorded saying, "I don't consider this to be a good format for me, which makes me more cautious. I often find myself trapped by the questions and thinking to myself, 'You know, this is a stupid question, but let me … answer it.' So when Brian Williams is asking me about what's a personal thing that you've done [that's green], and I say, you know, 'Well, I planted a bunch of trees.' And he says, 'I'm talking about personal.' What I'm thinking in my head is, 'Well, the truth is, Brian, we can't solve global warming because I f---ing changed light bulbs in my house. It's because of something collective'."

Obama apparently hates vapid sound bites as much as we do. Also, via Alex Balk, here's two funny insidery stories from the campaign.

Staffers were trying to work, sort of, and ignore the sounds coming from the office of communications director Howard Wolfson. “He’s going to ruin this f–––ing campaign!” shouted Phil Singer, Wolfson’s deputy. No one was quite sure who “he” was, but most assumed it was Penn, the chief strategist who was in more or less constant conflict with Hillary’s other top advisers. Wolfson said something indistinct in response, and Singer cut loose, “F––– you, Howard,” and stormed out of his office. Policy director Neera Tanden had the misfortune of standing in his path. “F––– you, too!” screamed Singer. “F––– you,” Tanden started. “And the whole f–––ing cabal,” Singer, now standing on a chair, shouted loudly enough to be heard by the entire war room. “I’m done.” Within a week or two Singer was back, still steaming and swearing. “If the house is on fire, would you rather have a psychotic fireman or no fireman at all?” Wolfson explained to Williams.

Obama was not one to cast blame, at least not too obviously or too loudly. After his campaign spent $20 million to win Texas and still lost, he ran through a list of mistakes with his staff, not laying any blame on anyone in particular. He stood up to leave, and as he walked out of the conference room of campaign headquarters on Michigan Avenue, he turned around and said, “I’m not yelling at you guys.” He took another few steps and turned around again and said, “Of course, after blowing through $20 million in a couple of weeks, I could yell at you. But …” He paused. “I’m not yelling at you.” He laughed and walked out the door.

Robert Gibbs to Give Positive Spin on Rahm Emanuel's Inevitable Murders

Now that Barack Obama can tell everyone in the world what to do, expect some major changes. The first change is that his cabinet might be awesome. I wrote about crazy knife-wielding Chicago politico Rahm Emanuel yesterday, and now it appears that another cabinet position is being talked about.

Politico is reporting that Robert Gibbs will be the next person to lie to the press for money. Hopefully he won't be as bad as slimy Ari Fliecher, doughy Scott McClellen, bad dude (who died, so maybe no joke here I guess?) Tony Snow, or empty vessel Dana Perino. He almost certainly will be better than all of them, but who knows.

There's a good video of Gibbs handing Sean Hannity's ass to him on a platter, but the one below is good too. Nice jab about being surprised that Palin reads the Times.

The Foibles of Sarah Palin

She didn't know Africa was a continent. Oopsie daisy.

The Rotting Strip

I found this video a few days ago and have been meaning to post it. So much politics, now let's have something with heart. I saw a folk band a while ago and it made me remember how sweet this song is. I prefer the album version, but here's the solo acustic version, which is still really good.

Rahm Emanuel Apparently is a Dick...but Maybe That's Good...?

MSNBC is reporting that Rahm Emanuel has accepted the position of White House Chief of Staff, and will be sworn in with Obama in January.

From what I can gather, this means that Obama is going to be a mean ol' sonofagun once he gets into the White House. This bi-partisan talk might just be nice window dressing, which would be positive development. Emanuel has championed some shit policies, but if he's the vicious brawler that people are saying, we might see some progressive issues take shape.

Here's how some of the blogosphere is reacting.

Jane Hamsher, writing in The Nation (which is awesome today):
[Emanuel's appointment] will be an instant sign that all the bipartisan talk is just that--talk--and signal that Obama intends to work solely within the Democratic caucus to achieve his objectives. The Republicans would be welcome to tag along if they like...but Rahm doesn't do "bipartisan"--which I've always sort of liked about him.

John Nichols, also in The Nation:
Emanuel's strengths have been well-documented: He knows his way around Washington, on the executive and legislative ends of Pennsylvania Avenue. He is a savvy political player, with a reputation for getting things done and for defending his boss against all comers.

Unfortunately, Emanuel is a militant advocate for free-trade policies; he was a point man in the White House in the fight to pass the North American Free Trade Agreement and similar deals that have been passionately opposed by the very labor, environmental and farm groups that were essential players in electing Obama.

Alex Pareene, writing in Gawker:
The Emanuel selection demonstrates that unlike Clinton in 1992, Obama is not fucking around.

The Chief of Staff runs the White House internally, and this is a signal that Obama's transition will not be beset with the public infighting and embarrassing selections of the Clinton takeover. Emanuel is perfect for the role, because it's not a particularly public one, and Emanuel is a dirty-mouthed vicious partisan.

And Alex Koppelman, in Salon:
Emanuel brings quite a reputation with him. Known as "Rahmbo," the former Clinton administration official is legendary for being a no-holds-barred political operative. In a 2005 article for Rolling Stone, Joshua Green related this famous tale:

The night after Clinton was elected, Emanuel was so angry at the president's enemies that he stood up at a celebratory dinner with colleagues from the campaign, grabbed a steak knife and began rattling off a list of betrayers, shouting "Dead! ... Dead! ... Dead!" and plunging the knife into the table after every name. "When he was done, the table looked like a lunar landscape," one campaign veteran recalls. "It was like something out of The Godfather. But that's Rahm for you."

The Nation's Take

Fantastic article by Katrina Vanden Huevel. Please read in full, as this was essentially what I was trying to say all last night, and for the past several weeks. Here is one of the key paragraphs.

"Already we hear calls that the new Democratic majority must not "overreach." That is code for "do not use your mandate." Ignore those calls--- this election was a referendum on conservatism that has guided American politics since 1980. Indeed, future historians may well view Barack Obama's victory as the end of the age of Reagan and the beginning of something substantially new. And progressives can justifiably claim that the election outcome was a clear repudiation of conservative economic ideas and absurd claims that a more egalitarian approach to growth constitutes "socialism." This ideological rejection, the sharp failures of the Bush Administration and, perhaps most important, the shifts in public views on the economy and the war have led to this watershed moment--a historic opportunity for a progressive governing agenda and a mandate for bold action."

The Personal is Political

Not to be too overshare-y, but I've been contacted by 3 ex-girlfriends since Obama won! Three! This can only mean that Obama will usher in a new spirit of love and reconciliation and everyone will now get laid all the time but also find their special soulmate and get married. Except for the gays. Prop 8 passed, so we won't have a gay president for another 160 years.

Come on California! Look at this celebration. The woman next to the rabid homophobe in the center looks terrified, probably because he, her husband, disappears at all hours of the night and returns smelling of cigarettes and man. Look at him. The guy next to him is even crazier! What is wrong with these people.

The Ultimate Color Line

Good piece from Henry Louis Gates Jr. about what it means historically for a black man to become president.

Big Night

Last night was obviously a huge night in American politics. I'll post what interesting analysis I find later today, but this morning I just want to write about my experience last night.

Molly and I were at The PIT doing a show, then hit a party downtown, but we left before the race was called for Obama. We started walking to the Bowery J stop, when a black SUV flew down the street. A dude hung halfway out the passenger-side window screaming, "Obama won! Obama won!" like some sort of modern-day Paul Revere, but for a good thing.

At the bar on the corner, people spilled out onto the sidewalk yelling into cell phones. Some poor bastard had to try to quiet them down, but to little avail.

The JMZ to Brooklyn starts underground in Manhattan, but goes above ground when it goes over the river. People who had been on the train for 20 minutes pulled out their phones to check in with friends. One kid, after he got the confirmation, started banging on the subway doors. He turned to the car and said, "you all know he won, right?" It was a unique experience to be on the JMZ at 11:30PM and see everyone smiling.

Then, back at Molly and Joe's, their downstairs neighbors were celebrating and yelling, and neighbors from the building in front came out and we all had a nice little moment.

All night I was trying not to be a crank about everything. Healthy criticism and skepticism to follow, but not right now.

Move to the Center

Before Obama has even won, his surrogates are claiming how fast he'll "move to the center" and "reach accross the aisle." For good insight into this, read David Sirota, Joan Walsh, and Glenn Greenwald's back and forth here. This is very discouraging, but not surprising. We'll see how it actually plays out, again, assuming today plays out as everyone expects it to.

The link to the video is here. It won't let me embed it for some reason.

David Brooks Not Even Trying Anymore

New 23/6 piece.

Open Caption

"If you vote for me I'll vote for you."

Old Age Should Burn and Rave

Poor sad John McCain. The Times piece on him today is funny and sad, just like McCain himself. The money quote, as far as I'm concerned:

"His low point, his aides say, was the suspension of his campaign in September to make his way to Washington to help negotiate a $700 billion bailout of Wall Street, only to have the House Republicans blow the deal up in his face. His slight edge in the polls evaporated, and he was described by friends as mad at himself, his campaign and the world."

John McCain is mad at the world! Just like me at 17! I'm reminded of a certain poem by that last line. What poem is it? Oh yes, here it is.

Do not go gentle into that good night
by Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Tracy Morgan Will Save Us All

This is a long clip, but whenever Tracy Morgan is on Conan, you know it's gonna be good.

In Case You Haven't Heard It Yet

Standing in Awe of Greenwald

Glenn Greenwald is my favorite political writer right now. He is consistently insightful and always logical. His arguments about what has gone wrong with this country and what to do to make things better are more profound and spot-on than virtually any other writer. But sometimes he just let's loose and articulates the disgust that so many people feel:

George Bush is the person in whom the Right placed its blind faith, the one they
glorified and held up as the ultimate standard-bearer of what they believe in.
And now he -- and they -- lay in shambles and disgrace. No matter what metric
one uses, it's difficult to overstate what a profound failure the Bush
presidency is, and everyone -- including Bush -- knows that. The most important
aspect of this Tuesday's election is to finalize their humiliating repudiation
and to bury them for what they've done.

Zombie Undecided Voter