Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Bush Pardons 0.1% of Criminals in His Administration

The pardoning has begun. No categorical pardons yet, but we can all hope. From Salon:

On Monday, Bush granted pardons to 14 individuals and commuted the prison sentences of two others whose misdeeds included dealing drugs, evading taxes, killing bald eagles or mishandling hazardous waste.

The most recent batch, however, did not include any well-known convicts like junk bond dealer Michael Milken, who is seeking a pardon on securities fraud charges, or two politicians convicted of public corruption -- former Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham, R-Calif., and four-term Democratic Louisiana Gov. Edwin W. Edwards -- who want Bush to shorten their prison terms.

Let's get to know some criminals who are waiting for their pardon, what do you say. Here's the first few sentences from Michael Milken's Wiki entry:

Michael Robert Milken (born July 4, 1946 in Encino, California) is a prominent American financier and philanthropist who almost single-handedly created the market for high-yield bonds (also called junk bonds) during the 1970s and 1980s.[2]

After he was sent to prison on finance-related charges, his detractors cited him as the epitome of Wall Street "greed" during the 1980s, and nicknamed him the Junk Bond King...

With an estimated net worth of around $2.1 billion as of 2007, he is ranked by Forbes magazine as the 458th richest person in the world.[1]

Sounds like a real dipshit. He's not in jail right now, and he's rich as hell, so ComedyandPolitics says No Pardon.

Now here's Randy "Duke (in the Punchbowl)" Cunningham, who strikes us as a real dipshit. Look at this guy.

From his Wiki entry:

Randall Harold Cunningham (born December 8, 1941), usually known as Randy or Duke, was a Republican member of the United States House of Representatives from California's 50th Congressional District from 1991 to 2005.

Cunningham resigned from the House on November 28, 2005 after pleading guilty to accepting at least $2.4 million in bribes and underreporting his income for 2004. He pleaded guilty to federal charges of conspiracy to commit bribery, mail fraud, wire fraud, and tax evasion. On March 3, 2006, he received a sentence of eight years and four months in prison and an order to pay $1.8 million in restitution.

Haha. No pardon. Finally, here's Edwin Edwards, who was Governor of Louisiana a bunch of times and is probably a dipshit like all politicians. Wiki says,

Edwards was indicted in 1998 by the federal government, with prosecution led by U.S. Attorney Eddie Jordan. The prosecution soon released transcripts of audio conversations, as well as excerpts of video surveillance that seemed to indicate dubious financial transactions. The Edwards investigation also tarnished the reputation of San Francisco 49ers owner Edward J. DeBartolo Jr., who admitted to paying Edwards $400,000 in exchange for Edwards's assistance in securing a casino license.

Edwards was found guilty on 17 of 26 counts, including racketeering, extortion, money laundering, mail fraud, and wire fraud; his son Stephen was convicted on 18 counts. "I did not do anything wrong as a governor, even if you accept the verdict as it is, it doesn't indicate that," Edwards told the press after his conviction. On his way to prison he said, "I will be a model prisoner, as I have been a model citizen".

That's a lot of counts of breaking the law, but ComedyandPolitics doesn't care about sports interference. Still, we say No Pardon. More pardons to come, let's see who gets 'em!

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