Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Alaska Downgraded From Self-parody to Dolly Parton Song

Sarah Palin, the moose-rogue who almost ruined the country, is now trying to ruin her home state in a new way. A few weeks ago, when it looked like Sen. Tubes Stevens was going to be reelected, but wouldn't be able to serve because he's going to the prison, Mrs. Moose was like, "oooo pick me, pick me." Then she realized she'd be the one doing the picking, and was like, "Washin'ton, here I come! Pow pow!"

Sen. Tubes lost to Mark Begich after he was saved from a well, so that dashed Palin's dreams forever. But actually only for a few weeks, because she is a terminator-like killing machine who will murder indiscriminately. Which is to say, she's running for public office again maybe!

Politico is reporting that Palin might be gunning for a fellow Republican's Senate seat that's up for grabs in 2010. The Republican in question is Lisa Murkowski. This is the accompanying photo from Politico, and also the most unflattering picture of all time.

It's as though she's saying, "Hope in one hand, shit in another. Whatever distracts you from my face." Ahem. The plot thickens, because Palin won the governorship from Murkowski's father. Now, Murkowski is saying, "stay away from my Senate seat you whore, you killed my father" and Palin's sayin', "Now, look, if I'm gonna be wantin' it, I'm gonna be takin' it, bitch, and I didn't kill yer daddy, I tried to screw him but he couldn't even get it up for me."

Ahem again.

Does this remind anyone else of the song Jolene? Just change "man" to "Senate seat" and it works perfectly.

"Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please dont take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please dont take him just because you can
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, jolene"

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