Thursday, December 11, 2008

Working Still Only for Suckers

Posting yesterday was light due to mysterious "work" that just kept coming in. Those superfluous medical commas won't delete themselves. If there is a God, today will be different and we won't have to do anything but write silly jokes about losers who are going to jail.

Speaking of, if this article on CNN is any indication, none of you bean-eaters will be doing any work for the rest of your lives. Turns out all of you lazy pricks are sucking on this fancy "unemployment" teat like filthy, out of work piglets. From the article:

The number of people continuing to collect unemployment rose to 4,429,000 in the week ended Nov. 29, the most recent week available, which was also a 26-year high. The measure was an increase of 338,000 from the preceding week's revised level of 4,091,000.

Where are we, Britain? Those numbers above are those continuing to collect unemployment. That doesn't count the 10 million people today alone who are also filing. The article continues:

The number of Americans filing new unemployment insurance claims jumped last week to a 26-year high, surpassing the number of filings economists had predicted.

The Labor Department reported Thursday that initial filings for state jobless benefits surged to 573,000 for the week ended Dec. 6. That was an increase of 58,000 from a revised 515,000 claims in the previous week.

Ok, so only half a million newly unemployed future prostitutes this week, which means the price of sex will plummet, so hurray! If sexing doesn't sound like the job for you, you should probably loosen up a little or you will never have a job again.

But this blog loves providing people with avenues out of prostitution, so here is some help. Here is an article just in time for the upcoming Christmas season called: Create Your Own Summer Job: 6 Ways to Make Money This Summer. Timely! The six ways to make money (with our translations afterwards) are:

1. Go where it's hot, and help people keep cool (sell weed)
2. Lawn and yard care (grow weed)
3. House sitting and pet sitting (rob people)
4. Mobile car detailing (jack sweet-ass rims)
5. Summer nanny / babysitter (kidnapper)
6. Tutoring and teaching (expand empire by teaching kids how to sell/grow weed)

Happy hunting to all of you, les miserables.

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