Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Chicago Still Most Delightfully Corrupt City on Earth

The Chicago political scene is comprised entirely of Felons and ex-Ultimate Fighting Champion contestants, so it's no surprise that everything they do is illegal. Sometimes their goings-on are so illegal they actually get arrested, and today is one of those times. A Chicago website is reporting that Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is being taken into custody this morning. Yes, we know that technically he's not a Chicago politician (the capital is Springfield), but come on. Relax.

We wrote about Blaggy just a few days ago, wherein we made several astute observations about nuts, balls, testicles, castration, Obama's nuts, and nothing else. We knew that he wasn't thrilled about Jesse Jackson Jr., but we didn't know he was a criminal. This report is hilarious!

Updated at 8:57 a.m.: On the issue of the U.S. Senate selection, federal prosecutors alleged Blagojevich sought appointment as Secretary of Health and Human Services in the new Obama administration, or a lucrative job with a union in exchange for appointing a union-preferred candidate.

Blagojevich and Harris [Blaggy's chief of staff] conspired to demand the firing of Chicago Tribune editorial board members responsible for editorials critical of Blagojevich in exchange for state help with the sale of Wrigley Field, the Chicago Cubs baseball stadium owned by Tribune Co.

Blagojevich and Harris, along with others, obtained and sought to gain financial benefits for the governor, members of his family and his campaign fund in exchange for appointments to state boards and commissions, state jobs and state contracts.

"The breadth of corruption laid out in these charges is staggering," U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald said in a statement. "They allege that Blagojevich put a 'for sale' sign on the naming of a United States senator; involved himself personally in pay-to-play schemes with the urgency of a salesman meeting his annual sales target; and corruptly used his office in an effort to trample editorial voices of criticism."[emphasis added]

He's such a criminal! Oh man, that's a lot of crime. Chicago, we love you, and we hope you never change.

UPDATE: Forgot to mention this. George Ryan, Blaggy's predecessor, is also in jail, also on corruption charges.

George Ryan Sr., a consummate political dealmaker who rose to become Illinois' 39th governor, was convicted Monday on sweeping federal corruption charges of wielding power to help himself and his friends.

Greatest city ever.

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